Monday, November 3, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I don't know where this is going
I'm just going to type from whatever comes into my head. There is a lot of things that have been buzzing into my head and I'm not sure what I'm holding within. My eyes are close for most of this, but I open them when I'm not sure when I spelled or typed something wrong. I find it sometimes that when I think and not see, things come out in ways that I'm not sure for myself.
Girlfriend:
I'm sorry I haven't fill your position. Not to say that its a job, but to say that I hope I can make your life as enjoyable as mine. That life isn't experienced alone but with others. I would like to find someone who I can share my life with. I want to find someone who can understand me or at allow them to know who I am. I feel that I'm a puzzle at times and need help in solving who I am. I want someone who I can comfort and ask them how they are doing. to pray and find God in more than my own insight. I want to be able to have someone in my arms so that I can feel God's love in the physical realm. I want to be able to experience something outside of my own mental compacity. I want to be able to love beyond my own capability. I want to grow and become things more than I can be. For God and for you. I don't know who you are but I want to find you. I seek after you in hope and joy that our love will be something. I may take my time since its hard to find where God is leading me. I am blind at times when my pride take over. I ask God to soften my heart so that I'm able to follow him and find you. There isn't a single women that I'm destined to be. But there is a single women who I will promise to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to be something that will be fickle and waste away, but love that can be an ounce of love that Christ has for me. I want to b ea man that can defend and push you to be something greater than you could be. I want to be stretch, challenged, and driven crazy. Crazy to be alive, to love, and to find God. I want to be a Jesus freak with someone. I want to be a Christ lover with you. I pray that I'm patience. I pray that I'm honorable and know my manners. I hope that I can make you love and find peace from God that you can learn to find. I want to say I love you in the deepest and holy when when I get the courage to marry you. I ask that we find each other soon. But at the same time I know I need to wait and look for you. I want to hold hands my love and be able to hold you when the time gets hard. I want it to be something where I don't have to go through life alone. I want you to find God in ways beyond myself. I ask you can teach me to find God as well.
I don't know where this is going. I still haven't really reread this post. I don't want to. I don't need to. I just needed something to get off my chest. I want peace of mind and allow God to work through me. So if I look through this again. I know where I need to work or see what I've changed from myself. God let me seek you so you can teach me to love others.
Girlfriend:
I'm sorry I haven't fill your position. Not to say that its a job, but to say that I hope I can make your life as enjoyable as mine. That life isn't experienced alone but with others. I would like to find someone who I can share my life with. I want to find someone who can understand me or at allow them to know who I am. I feel that I'm a puzzle at times and need help in solving who I am. I want someone who I can comfort and ask them how they are doing. to pray and find God in more than my own insight. I want to be able to have someone in my arms so that I can feel God's love in the physical realm. I want to be able to experience something outside of my own mental compacity. I want to be able to love beyond my own capability. I want to grow and become things more than I can be. For God and for you. I don't know who you are but I want to find you. I seek after you in hope and joy that our love will be something. I may take my time since its hard to find where God is leading me. I am blind at times when my pride take over. I ask God to soften my heart so that I'm able to follow him and find you. There isn't a single women that I'm destined to be. But there is a single women who I will promise to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to be something that will be fickle and waste away, but love that can be an ounce of love that Christ has for me. I want to b ea man that can defend and push you to be something greater than you could be. I want to be stretch, challenged, and driven crazy. Crazy to be alive, to love, and to find God. I want to be a Jesus freak with someone. I want to be a Christ lover with you. I pray that I'm patience. I pray that I'm honorable and know my manners. I hope that I can make you love and find peace from God that you can learn to find. I want to say I love you in the deepest and holy when when I get the courage to marry you. I ask that we find each other soon. But at the same time I know I need to wait and look for you. I want to hold hands my love and be able to hold you when the time gets hard. I want it to be something where I don't have to go through life alone. I want you to find God in ways beyond myself. I ask you can teach me to find God as well.
I don't know where this is going. I still haven't really reread this post. I don't want to. I don't need to. I just needed something to get off my chest. I want peace of mind and allow God to work through me. So if I look through this again. I know where I need to work or see what I've changed from myself. God let me seek you so you can teach me to love others.
Its been awhile
There seems to be a lot that has been going on in my life. My addiction to World of Warcraft is up and running. The internal struggle of how I face is constant, but I'm finding solace in God giving me strength and just letting me say to myself, "take a break from it". I would like to and hope that I can.
The other thing thats been bugging me is my how status. My status as an individual and my status in my career. I've been a student for 17 years, at least. I really want to be done with school. I enjoy the freedom, but I rather be doing something else. When I start working and posting more often, will likely occur. But at teh same time I'm not sure what to think. I really need to focus on my academics, but sadly I'm writing here instead.
Going back the my other "status". I must say one thing. I really hate how young christian get married (not saying that a christian who recently found god getting married, but college age christians getting married). You can blame my jealous, you can blame that fact that I'm frustrated, or you could see the dilemma that myself and others are in. Its not wrong to be married at my age nor is it bad. But at the same time I don't see how some people can get married so soon and fast. I understand my cousin who married her husband in 6 months, but their situation was that they are in their 30s. I've seen people who date for two years at my age and I wonder how that is posible. I've changed so much in the past two years alone. Maybe I don't want to burden someoen with my problems. The only person I know who can handle them is Christ.
Its been 4 years since I had a relationship. I've been searching, but have none in sight. Sadly, I need patience. Contrary to what I believe, I don't have any patience. Over those 4 years has created in me, a hype to be searching and seeking harder. Harder so I won't be the only single person in my family. Harder so that I can be there to hold someone's hand and do it in a way that they know that I love them. But none will occur. None will appear. Not now, at least. I don't say this in spite of the desperate way I sound, but I say it in the way that I'm giving up. I'm giving up on myself. So that I can trust in what God is doing in my life. Trusting in him as he places people in my life. Having faith that can move mountains and bring love, peace, joy, and righteouness to those around me. To know that I stand on God's word, but also lean on him for guidance and peace.
Maybe I wish that God could just hold me and hug me. Maybe I just need to not act strong and give into my weakness and let God reign in my life more. Let him shine through that I try to act on my own.
The other thing thats been bugging me is my how status. My status as an individual and my status in my career. I've been a student for 17 years, at least. I really want to be done with school. I enjoy the freedom, but I rather be doing something else. When I start working and posting more often, will likely occur. But at teh same time I'm not sure what to think. I really need to focus on my academics, but sadly I'm writing here instead.
Going back the my other "status". I must say one thing. I really hate how young christian get married (not saying that a christian who recently found god getting married, but college age christians getting married). You can blame my jealous, you can blame that fact that I'm frustrated, or you could see the dilemma that myself and others are in. Its not wrong to be married at my age nor is it bad. But at the same time I don't see how some people can get married so soon and fast. I understand my cousin who married her husband in 6 months, but their situation was that they are in their 30s. I've seen people who date for two years at my age and I wonder how that is posible. I've changed so much in the past two years alone. Maybe I don't want to burden someoen with my problems. The only person I know who can handle them is Christ.
Its been 4 years since I had a relationship. I've been searching, but have none in sight. Sadly, I need patience. Contrary to what I believe, I don't have any patience. Over those 4 years has created in me, a hype to be searching and seeking harder. Harder so I won't be the only single person in my family. Harder so that I can be there to hold someone's hand and do it in a way that they know that I love them. But none will occur. None will appear. Not now, at least. I don't say this in spite of the desperate way I sound, but I say it in the way that I'm giving up. I'm giving up on myself. So that I can trust in what God is doing in my life. Trusting in him as he places people in my life. Having faith that can move mountains and bring love, peace, joy, and righteouness to those around me. To know that I stand on God's word, but also lean on him for guidance and peace.
Maybe I wish that God could just hold me and hug me. Maybe I just need to not act strong and give into my weakness and let God reign in my life more. Let him shine through that I try to act on my own.
2 Timothy 4:17-18 (New International Version)
17But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth. 18The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
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